


similar to happiness

by fanmoose12



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Pining Levi, he's such a loser in this one i actually feel bad for him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 10:57:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20965409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanmoose12/pseuds/fanmoose12
Summary: Whenever Levi had sex in the past, it was always fast and rough. Impersonal. There were no softness in his features, no gentleness in his touches.But it's different with Hange, had been since their very first time.And of course it's different - it's Hange, Levi would be more surprised if it wasn't different.





	similar to happiness

**Author's Note:**

> ugh my first time writing them and i hope i didn't screw too much  
Anyways, tell me what you think about it!

The first time it happens Levi almost panics.

It's an early quiet morning and he's just returning from Hange's room to his when Erwin spots him. For a moment, he looks just as surprised as Levi himself is, but then his expression turns into a smirk.

"Had a busy night, Levi?"

"Fell asleep in the mass hall," Levi tells him and both of them know it's a lie - the mass hall is on the other side of the barracks.

But Erwin lets it slide so Levi forgets about accident altogether.

When Erwin catches him in that same corridor for the _third_ time (and how was he able to do so, Levi thinks to himself, he was as careful as possible), he asks Levi to accompany him on his morning stroll.

Both of them are quiet for a long time, and they are almost out of barracks territory when Erwin asks him.

"Levi," he begins. Levi looks up at him so Erwin continues. "About your... _relationship_ with Hange, is it serious?"

Levi knows he should have expected the question, but nevertheless, it takes him a while to answer.

"No," he says eventually. "It's just for a stress relief." Levi hopes that it doesn’t sound like he’s lying and that Erwin doesn’t catch up on it.

For his part, Erwin seems to accept it and nods.

"Good. I just don't want it to interfere with your work. You both are extremely valuable soldiers and I don't want to lose neither of you."

"It isn't serious." Levi repeats.

At that moment, he notices his squad at the training grounds. He has never been so glad to see them training as he is now. Levi excuses himself from Erwin telling him he needs to join his subordinates. As he is walking away Levi convinces himself that he is not running.

If he is completely honest with himself, Levi is terrified of what they're doing with Hange, of what Hange is doing _to him_. He knows it's not a simple stress relief, not just fucking - well, at least for Levi it isn't - he has never discussed that subject with Hange.

Whenever Levi had sex in the past, it was always fast and rough. _Impersonal_. There were no softness in his features, no gentleness in his touches.

But it's different with Hange, had been since their very first time, when she came to him, distressed, desperate and so, so angry. She wanted to forget, to lose all her sorrows and pain in a little bit of pleasure and human contact. Levi doesn't remember the cause for her distress or maybe he had never found out about it, but it doesn’t really matter.

He remembers that night, though, _of course_ he does.

Remembers how Hange entered his room with a loud bang of the door, not bothering to knock and wait for his permission to come in, as usual. How she began to talk some nonsense, smiling and giggling. How he immediately understood that _something was wrong_ because Hange’s laughter wasn't genuine and the smile didn’t reach her eyes. Levi knew that because _he knew Hange_.

So he told her to quit it and tell him what the fuck is bothering her. She got quiet for a long, long moment. And then, when Levi was already opening his mouth to tell her something or ask some question, he doesn't really remember _what exactly_ he was going to say.

But, he remembers what happened next with perfect clarity. How Hange had surged forward and started hungrily kissing him, how he didn't even _think_ of not returning that kiss.

"Make me forget, Levi," she whispered into the kiss. Levi obliged.

Soon the making out turned into Hange undressing him with the sort of fervor and desperation. Levi took her hands into his, trying to calm her down. He laid her gently on the bed, relieving her of the clothes. Started kissing her belly, her breasts, peppering with soft kisses the signs from ODM gear.

Hange urged him to go faster, rougher, _harder_.

And, as before, Levi obliged, bringing Hange to her release kissing her and thrusting into her just right, just as she wanted and _needed_ him to.

When they lay together, both trying to calm their breathing, Hange had laughed, loud, happy and relaxed. _Just as she used to do_. Levi remembers feeling relieved upon hearing her laugh, it meant that Hange's spirit has returned and whatever was bothering her had been forgotten for a while.

"That was awesome!" she exclaimed. "We definitely need to repeat it sometime!"

And repeat they _did_.

They started sleeping together regularly, once or twice every week.

Levi never stayed the night when they were at Hange's room. Hange never asked him to stay - usually she felt asleep immediately after their last round or sometimes she got up and sat at her desk, starting to write reports or revising them.

Hange had never asked him to stay but neither had she asked him to leave.

So at nights when she started working after sex, he would stay in bed for a while, silently watching her work. After a short while, he would get up and start dressing himself. Hange had rarely acknowledged him leaving - she was too absorbed in her work to do so. Levi didn't feel offended - he knew Hange and her obsessions too well.

When they were at Levi's room however, he always made sure that Hange would stay. He didn't say anything out loud of course but he always made sure to make her feel extra good, satisfy her to such an extent, that Hange would fell asleep immediately after or just lay there, breathing heavily, too lazy to get up and go to her own room.

He would lie to himself if he said that he didn’t enjoy the feeling of her body next to his, didn’t like laying his head on her shoulder listening to her steady heartbeat.

These nights Levi slept the best.

In the mornings, though, Hange always left just before Levi woke up.

Levi knew they needed to talk about _that thing _that was going on between them.

He knew that if they were normal people who lived in a normal world where giant monsters didn't try to eat them and their comrades, they would have time and patience and _ability_ to talk about their feelings.

At least, that what Levi keeps telling himself.

Still, they are not normal people and world around them is fucked up and terrifying and horrible and another hundred negative adjectives. So, he satisfies himself with what he has and tries to convince himself that that's enough.

It's almost a year into their _relationship_ when Levi notices.

Hange starts behaving weirdly - well weird for Hange, of course.

She stops jumping at Levi in the corridors, doesn't come to disrupt his training with a squad. She changed her place in the mess hall and is now sitting with her own squad and not between Levi and Mike like she used to do.

And she stops coming to his room at night.

They still have sex but it's only when Levi comes to her.

And even then Hange seems distant like she's thinking of a million different things.

She also gets up right after and starts working as if urging Levi to leave without actually telling him.

She smiles a lot less these days too, and Levi doesn't know what to do to make her same again. He also doesn't know what caused it. Had her life and work been too hard? Or was it Levi himself who is causing her distress? Maybe she grew tired of him and just doesn't know how to tell him.

He wants to asks,_ needs_ to know but they are starting to prepare for another expedition so Levi puts this issue into the back of his mind. Erwin was right that day, he is a valuable soldier and so is Hange, so he focuses on his work and puts his feelings aside.

The expedition is disastrous, _as they always are_.

They have lost a lot of people _again_. And, maybe, Levi thinks, that is the cause of Hange’s distress.

But a whole week passes and Hange had still not returned to her usual self.

Levi is almost ready to go and confront her, when one evening she came to him herself.

She immediately started kissing him and it reminded Levi all too much of their first night together. He didn't need her to whisper "Make me forget, Levi" to understand what she wanted. Her kisses were too desperate, her hands trembling and Levi knew it was not because of excitement or arousal. So, he kissed her deeply, passionately and pushed her gently towards the bed.

After they finished, Hange put on her glasses and sat up, ready to swing her legs off the bed, put on her clothes and leave. Levi was faster though. Just as she was getting up, he grasped her wrist.

"What is going on, Hange?"

"Huh?" Hange turned around to face him, a confused look on her face, "what do you mean?"

"You're not yourself these days,” Levi replies. "What's bothering you?"

"N-nothing bothers me!" Hange exclaimed with a smile on her face. It didn't reach her eyes.

Levi studied her for a moment.

"Fine," he finally said. "You don't need to tell me. But talk about it with someone. With Mike or Moblit or _whoever_. Just don't keep it all to yourself."

"Is that your way of saying you worry about me?" she teased. Levi noticed that her smile became more genuine.

"I guess it is," he replied shrugging.

Hange became silent for a long moment, her eyes distant as she was in deep in thought. Then she grasped Levi's hand that was still holding her wrist and gently freed her hand. Levi thought that now she was going to leave but Hange remained on the bed.

She fixed her gaze on Levi then and said.

"You wanted to know what's going on with me and I think _you _deserve to know."

Levi was silent but Hange didn't expect him to answer so she continued.

"Well, um, what I'm going to say- well, I need you to know that I didn't want for that to happen and I tried _so hard_ for it not to happen. But it _did_. And I'll understand if you'd stop considering me a friend or cease talking to me altogether. And,_ of course_, I do not expect you to say it back or something. And-"

Levi doesn't understand what the fuck she is talking about (which is quite strange, usually Levi doesn't have any problems understanding Hange) and also he gets_ really_ tired of Hange's rumblings so he cuts her off.

"Get to the point please. We don't have all night."

"Right, right. You're right, of course. So," she says, looking him straight in the eyes. Levi suddenly notices that she is blushing. "I have feelings for you, Levi. Romantic ones."

Levi looks at her, sees her mouth move and form words but he doesn't understand.

_Hange has feelings for him?_

He must've been quiet for too long because suddenly Hange shots up and starts gathering her clothes as fast as possible.

Levi still doesn't move from his spot or open his mouth to say something, _anything_.

"Right!" says Hange as she is opening the door. "I'm leaving! Had been very nice, you know, _too nice_ but well! Goodnight! And sorry!"

She closes the door behind her and it's at that moment Levi finally snaps out of it.

He quickly gets up, puts on a shirt and trousers. He runs through the door and into the corridor. He reaches Hange, grabs her shoulder and turns her around.

Then _he kisses her_.

And it's weird because they must've exchanged hundreds of kisses already but this one- this one is different. Is it because Levi knows that Hange feels the same or because he doesn't have to hide his feelings anymore he doesn't know. And it doesn’t really matter. All that matters is that Hange loves him and he loves her. And, that thought coupled with an amazing kiss makes Levi feel light-headed. He is sure the same can be said for Hange, because when they finally break apart, she's breathing heavily.

"Does that mean-" Hange begins but Levi cuts her off again.

"_Yes_," he says and kisses her again.

Levi doesn't need to say anything after that because Hange seems to understand him all the same.

She smiles then big and toothy. And Levi thinks how much he missed that smile. The fact that it was him, who made her smile like that, is almost enough to make him smile as well. _Almost_.

Hange takes his hand and starts leading him back to his room.

"Someone might see us if we continue making out in the corridors like that," she says still smiling.

"Too late," Levi replies. "Erwin had caught me three times already."

Hange throws her head back and laughs at that.

"If that makes you feel better," she begins. "Mike had seen me walking from your room the very first night that we had sex. And _don't get me started_ on how many times Moblit has caught me. Must be more than a dozen!"

Levi tsks at that - he doesn't need Zacharius _or Moblit_ knowing about his personal life. But, well, there is nothing he can do about that now.

He lays on the bed and Hange soon joins him, taking off her glasses and laying her head on his shoulder. She reaches up to kiss him on the nose and Levi must have made a funny face because Hange starts giggling.

Then she closes her eyes and a few moments later she's asleep.

Sleep doesn't come to Levi that easily but laying there, with Hange's head on his shoulder and his fingers in her hair, he feels something that is dangerously similar _to happiness._


End file.
